WRITE TIGHT
by
William G. Tapply

"The secret of good writing," says William Zinsser, "is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components." That's easier said than done, of course—but it's worth the effort.

Clear, unambiguous writing (Zinsser's sentence is Exhibit A) works like magic. It carries ideas, images, and emotions straight from the writer's mind into the reader's. Wordy, repetitive, vague writing, by contrast, confuses and bores readers.

Think of your reader. If you don't want to lose her, make it easy for her.
Or if you prefer, think of the editor who stands between you and the reader. Verbosity makes it easy for him . . . to reject you.

Here are eight ways to strip your sentences down and clean them up:

1. Use specific nouns. Leaning on adjectives signals vagueness and imprecision. Sharp, clear images come from concrete, specific nouns: "Wheaties" instead of "crispy breakfast cereal"; "raven" for "big black bird"; "Victorian" for "rambling old house." One word replaces three in each case.
2. Seek and destroy adverbs. Sharp writing starts with precise, active verbs. Adverbs are neon arrows pointing to weak, vague verbs. Find the strong verb and cut the flabby adverbs. Instead of "He moved quickly and evasively," write "He darted"; substitute "He yelled" for "He spoke loudly and angrily."
3. Be positive. Say what things are, not what they aren't. Negative expressions are evasive and imprecise. Write "He was careless," not "He wasn't being careful." Instead of "She didn't move very well," write "She limped."
4. Be active. The passive voice is inherently vague and wordy. Convert passive sentences into active ones. Instead of, "Pete was stabbed by Joe," write, "Joe stabbed Pete."
   Passive sentences that omit the doer of the action are obscure, confusing, and even evasive. In the sentence, "The expensive vase shattered when it was dropped," sounds as if it was the vase's fault. "I dropped the vase, and it shattered on the stone floor," is clearer because it identifies the source of the action.
5. Rewrite sentences beginning with "there." Any sentence that opens with the empty phrase "there were" (or "there" plus any other form of "to be") can be sharpened and shortened by refocusing on the sentence's central action and swapping in a vigorous verb. Instead of "There was a lot of snow on the ground," write "A foot of snow blanketed the ground."
6. Show don't tell. Render the action vividly and trust your reader to understand and interpret what you show. "Joe crashed his fist on the table" shows; "Joe was angry and frustrated" tells.
7. Omit reduncancy. Say it once, clearly, and don't proceed to explain it. Your reader will get it. If Susan blushes, do not add "in embarrassment."
   Use precise verbs, and trust your reader to get what they clearly signify. Write "nodded," and resist the temptation to add "his head." What else could he nod? And please don't write, "He nodded his head in agreement." That is showing and telling.
8. Use concrete language. Vague generalities, bloated language, pedantic phrases, and euphemisms, especially common in academic, political and bureaucratic writing, obscure rather than clarify meaning.
   Instead of, "The atmospheric conditions are extremely unpleasant," write, "It's raining." Don't write, "Her face revealed emotions of great happiness," when you can write, "She smiled." "He died" is clearer than "His spirit passed from this world." Notice, in all cases, how many words the preferred sentence saves.

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Tight writing starts with a positive attitude. Embrace editing. Tinker with your sentences. Aim to maximize clarity and minimize word count. Rewriting is hard but satisfying work, and your readers (and editors) will thank you for it.

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©William G. Tapply